Aloneness is Next to Godliness: Bedside with My Mother
When you spend time alone, which most of us do most of the time these days, there are two ways to go. First you could feel shuttered in, landlocked, overcome by a feeling of lack. This is an isolated feeling, like a solitary tree in the meadow. Or when alone, …
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Into Thin Air: Bedside with My Mother
For those of us on the path of a contemplative practice, it is a gift to witness the dying. For two hours, or two days or– as the case may be– weeks on end it is possible to witness a person, together with their entire lifetime and karmic history dissolve …
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On Hallowed Ground: Bedside with My Mother
The death room is hallowed ground. Each time I enter mom’s room, it is like entering a cavern, a sanctum, where one of the oldest rites of passage known to mankind takes place. It bears its own silence, similar to the hush of the meditation hall, but netherward, below ground, …
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In the Morning a Fall Day
How is it that death can be so exquisite? Really this time of year is hallucinogenic. The October sky brilliant a lazuli lapis blue. Maple trees turn a fire engine red. And the big pumpkin in the pumpkin patch glistens brilliant with morning dew. This is a hallowed season, a …
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On the Threshold: Bedside with My Mother
As I arrive at the small room where my mother has been bedridden for eight days, I pause in the doorway and peer in to catch the day’s first glimpse of her. It is a moment filled with expectation, a kind of existential awe and… trepidation. What state will she …
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Saying Goodbye: from Surya Little
This morning, as my feet trod the dirt and rocks in the arroyo along the back side of our home—our dog Haro trotted ahead. We were surrounded by tall trees and the peace of silence. As my prayers echo through me, saying my last goodbyes to my beloved mother-in-law, Suz. …
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A Kind of Vision Quest: Bedside with My Mother
Sitting with my dying mother is possibly the hardest thing I have ever done. The only thing that comes closest is the 4 days I spent without food or water in the Arizona desert on a vision quest. This passage is equally grueling and exhausting, a test of faith and …
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Wow: Bedside With My Mother
My mother labors to speak. Given the ravages of advanced dementia coupled with the paralyzing effects of “long Covid”, her words are weak and warbled. Yet I am struck by her determination to make language work. As I sit by her side on the small stool by her bedside, I …
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Being with my Dying Mom: Bedside with My Mother
It is amazing how death brings such clarity to life. Bedside by my mother, the hustle and bustle of the world collapses. There is no urgency here, no insistence, no need now to go from point A to point B. My mother has entered a kind of underground tunnel full …
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Ultimate Solace
It is peculiar how from a young age we seek fulfillment outside of ourselves. Lured by the promise of satisfaction, people assume that some material thing, someone, or some experience will provide happiness and freedom. And in a world full of instant gratification—online gaming, notification of likes, impulse shopping, sports …
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